Great wife, amazing kids, a full head of hair – like so many people I felt I had no real grounds for feeling unhappy. But all too often I did, and it was getting me down.
And then this afternoon I had a sudden realisation. I was 20 minutes into my siesta when my wife and kids came home, shouting, laughing, and generally being their 40, 5 and 3 year-old selves.
“¡CHICOS, YA!” I screamed. Which roughly translates as: “¡For the love of God, Stop!” They fell silent, but I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I stomped out of bed, made myself a coffee and lit up a cigarette.
And then it dawned on me.
I am happy. But not always of course, and if the truth be told I spend a decent amount of time veering between mildly piqued and downright upset. And there are some pretty salient reasons for my malcontent; our ongoing financial woes, my all-too frequent sleep deprivation, my wife’s general Spanishness.
Of course I wasn’t miserable all of the time. But I didn’t feel that I’d actually achieved happiness, there was always something lacking. A lottery win, literary plaudits, getting a little place in the county where I can enjoy some quality family-uninterrupted time. And I knew when these things became reality then I actually would be happy. Completely happy.
But I suddenly realised it was a lie – of course I can become happier, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy now.
So I’m going to live what I know is true, I’m going to be happy for 365 days, whatever happens. When problems arise I’m going to recentre myself and then react in the way a happy person would. No anger, no strops, not even mild discontent.
Because in the same way we instinctively feel a collection of happy events is the basis of happiness, we emotionally know the opposite is true. But I don’t believe it is. What I’m attempting to live is my belief that happiness is entirely independent of the highs and lows of my little life, that it’s far bigger than me. That happiness a permanent state for us all, if only we allow it to be.
I’m not going to try and deny the bad or irksome events. They will exist, it’s not a year of self delusion, or an exercise in positive thinking. Nor is it a search for happiness, because I’ve already found it.
I’m just going to spend a year being happy.
Now that I know I am.
Cathal Morrow, 21 June 2010
Good post. One part that really grabbed my attention:
“What I’m attempting to live is my belief that happiness is entirely independent of the highs and lows of my little life, that it’s far bigger than me. That happiness a permanent state for us all, if only we allow it to be.”
This statement is basically the essence of buddhist philosophy. I don’t know if you are a buddhist, but perhaps you should look into it further if you haven’t already. It might help you on your quest for happiness. Good luck!
If u luk all around us…. ie. at Nature you will see that everything ” is “…. in the sense that it is in a natural state of its being. There is no attempt to ” be ” sumthing. The mountain ” is”. The tree “is “.. the grass ” is “… it is only the human who rejects who he ” is ” and is after ” what he wants to be “…. and in this process ” HAPPINESS ” is lost. OUR NATURAL STATE OF BEING is ” IS “… we are happiness…. luk at a child. When just ” IS “.. it is happy.. but when it wants to be sumthing like when it wants a toy or when it wants to sleep or when it wants food it loses is natural state oh Happiness and CRIES !!!!… It is the CHIlds Body ( food & Sleep)and Mind (TOY ) that take it away from its natural state of being and as the child grows up this natural state is lost forever as the demands of the mind and body completely take over. Just think for a minute even today when you have grow up … when the demands of your Body and Mind CEASE ,- ( when you sleep ) you do exerience your Orininal , your natural state of your being and that is Happiness….. HAPPINESS is who you are ! You Cannot be happiness. it IS your VERY NATURE !. At most you can say that WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR NATURAL STATE , YOU ARE UNHAPPY !.
wow, your post is really an enlightenment for me. thank you for writing this and help me to shape my way of thinking. may happiness always and always surround you and your family
Wow i feel exactly the same way. I am not unhappy but sometimes feel i could be so much mmore happy. I take this pledge as well. Yahoo lets all try and always look at the positive and be happy with what we have.
As you can see on my website, newearthrelationships.org, I do NOT have a full head of hair. And, for the last year, for the first time in my 54 years, I am happy.
This required,
a) becoming more committed to being happy than to being unhappy – and I definitely had both a conscious and unconscious commitment to being unhappy (I kind of made a decision after my mother died when I was 12) and
b) having a life partner that is in collusion with me. When either of us are being unhappy, feeling like a victim, etc., the other reminds that all there is to experience is RIGHT NOW and, while you definitely want to feel your feelings (I have a great post on this on my blog at aforementioned site), I can at any moment choose to be present and allow yourself to be happy.
Congratulations for taking this on. If you need any support in your project, drop me a line at bill@newearthrelationships.org.
I love your insight about already being happy, just having room to be happier! For me, joy transcends happiness. And the joy of the Lord is my strength. In the times when I feel less happy, that joy infuses my being.
I keep a quote on my computer monitor at work that helps me: “Don’t miss today! It’s the perfect day in the perfect place!”
i’ve been searching for this so called happiness for ages..
guess what i’ve found, happiness is within you, it IS YOU…
nice one!
I hear you! I had a moment of turning somewhat similar in that I became aware that life doesn’t get better because things change – life is good or bad because I decide so. Every moment has inherent potential and possibility.
What a great journey – enjoy the ride!
Life truly is what we make of it, isn’t it. “An attitude is a special thing, it’s the way we feel about everything. It can make you happy for sad, it’s all up to you!”
Thank you for a beautiful message. Thanks for this reminder. Wish you all the best!
I can definitely follow the advice in this post! I am generally a very positive & optimistic person and currentl find myself in a holding pattern of sorts as I am hoping to relocate & get in a better career position to better match my interests & I am generally “happy” but find myself bogged down at times in misery I find in my current day job & current city…what I’ve never thought of is responding to situations as the generally happy person I am instead if as the momentary “at the end of my rope” person that surfaces from time to time….great advice!
Thanks for the message, I teach a course in happiness, and it is such a wonderfully elusive quality. I like the book Happiness TM, by Will Ferguson, which is a work of fiction in which someone accidentally writes the self help book that makes everybody (almost) happy. He describes the world careening into an absolute mess, and so at the end, he reintroduces the struggle in life that makes people genuinely happy.
I remember one happy time in my life. I was living in a relationship that was not working for me, struggling to do get the laundry out on a line that was not working, and I got hit by a ray of sunshine. I realized how happy I was, and that I was even happy enough to get the heck out of that situation, and risk the unhappiness that separation often brings.
Thanks for letting me write about happiness.
Interesting concept. I wonder how one goes about accomplishing it. It would seem to be a good thing.
This is the first time I have looked at this site and this article was just what I needed. I firmly we have a choice on how we want to feel. Always tough to stop the impulse to be negative but it is entirely possible. I love the commitment to a year of happiness. I love these crazy goals and I always have one going but lately I complete them. Therefore, I am in!
this is absolutely awesome.there’s no room for unhappiness when we are content with who we are. no one can ever truly make us happy like we can make ourselves. I choose to live my natural self, to be happy. thanks
It is a choice. Just have to keep the notion at the fore-front during rough patches. Love this article as affirmation. Thanks!
I read your post and I liked the beginning where you expressed gratitude for some of the things in your life that make you happy.
I also think that I could be happier, but I don’t think that happiness exists without anger or discontent. On the contrary, when we get angry or discontent, I think it’s important to feel those feelings and express them in a way that isn’t harmful to others. It’s a human feeling and if we opress it, it’s just going to increase – this is what I’ve experienced.
I think it will make me happier if I admit to myself that I am angry, sad, discontent because then I can work through these feelings and know that they are transitory and that I will feel happy again.
I think that our mistake is in thinking that we should always be happy no matter what and that things should always be good and life isn’t like that. If someone we love dies, it is inappropriate to be happy. When life gets hard, as it always does for everyone no matter if they have got a wonderful partner, children and plenty of money, and it’s the hardships that make us appreciate our happy moments.
Instead we should accept all the things that come our way in life in order to experience life to the fullest.
It is true, however that we choose to be unhappy, but we don’t have to not be angry in order to be happy.
Unhappiness also comes for a reason, if we were never unhappy we would never want to evolve.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that we should strive to be unhappy. Ultimately we are all striving to be happy, but as you wrote that you have many things to be grateful for in your life and yet you are unhappy…
I think the trick is in regular daily life we should look for these things to be grateful for, and this will make us happier. Our mind is easily dragged to negativity and pulling it towards positive things can help us to be happier.
I think that chasing away difficult feelings by jumping up and down doesn’t allow you to look at what is really going on inside you.
Instead you could embrace whatever feelings come your way and accept them, the ups and the downs.
Just a thought
Have a happy day
hello Sir,
I recommend you accept the sad moment that may come. You can’t force the state of happiness. Yes you can live happier everyday, but it needs to take into account that it is a journey and not a final destination. There will be ups and downs… it’s totally acceptable to feel down at some times. forcing this on you may have bad side effects. Good luck in your quest.